Milwaukee-Omaha-Cheyenne-Salt Lake City-Boise-Durkee-Portland

Milwaukee

Since we were planning on getting good food at every stop, we made sure to go to Kopp's for custard on the way out of town. I won't be eating any custard for a long, long time and I was incredibly happy to see that the flavor of the day was macadamia nut. It was a fitting last desert with my family.

Omaha

We set off from Milwaukee at midnight with the intention of making our first stop at Big Mama's Kitchen in Omaha. We braved a snow storm and drove through terrible slush to make it to Omaha by morning. We were treated to a filling breakfast and met Big Mama herself. Erik got biscuits and gravy and I got eggs, biscuits and grits with cranberry iced tea. Since the weather was so bad, no one from Omaha bothered to leave the house for breakfast. With the place otherwise empty Big Mama hung out with us as we ate and took a photo with us...

It was In Omaha that we realized that instead of a "Man vs Food" style adventure we would be doing something that more closely resembled highlights of the Food Network's 101 best places to eat (and then some).

Cheyenne

We took off in a snow storm for Cheyenne, Wyoming with images of cowboys and the open range dancing in our heads. The drive was a mind-numbing 500 miles that would have been awesome at night. We didn't have a specific restaurant in mind but just the idea of getting authentic western barbecue fortified our resolve to get there quickly. It turns out that Cheyenne is home to perhaps the greatest selection of chain eateries in the country. This is great for people who want familiarity and predictability, but we wanted straight whiskey and prairie oysters. After 2 people suggested the Outback Steakhouse when we asked for a "good, local place to eat" we set off on our own.

We found a bar called Sanford's Pub and Grub. What luck! We struck gold without even trying...until we walked through the doors and were met with the tacky kitsch of a chain. Thankfully it was a local chain with 5 other locations in the area, but it was a formula none the less. We got some sandwiches off the menu and drank beers off of the impressively huge 30 beer tap line. Only after getting the bill did we learn that taps were $1 which meant that our microbrews were a steal. Erik decided to keep with the spirit of thrift and got some more beer.

I will say this about Cheyenne: the drivers are lazily polite, there are no parking meters and the prices were good. Plus the local newspaper had a hilarious article about ridiculous names of sports teams including the girls basketball team from Big Piney: The Lady Punchers. (Just to clarify, I don't think that the idea of hitting a lady is funny, but rather the humor lies in the state of Wyoming not realizing that adding "Lady" to the front of a sports team doesn't necessarily make it a girls team name.)

Salt Lake City

We set off for Salt Lake City the next morning and passed some of the most beautiful scenery around. The weather was awesome and the speed limit was 75. Driving at 90 made the trip go quickly. We stayed at the 2nd worst place I have ever spent the night (the first was in Venezuela at a discount posada above a liquor store that had blood covered mattresses from either multiple births or murders). We thought the Salt Lake City hostel would be run by a nice mormon couple content on cleanliness and converting us. The old hippie proprietor had neither in mind. Pattybear, the owner, had scoured the entire western US for old, stained sheets that she could hang all over the walls as decorations at her filthy hostel. The private room we paid extra for smelled like old, musty thai food. That was because the fridge was turned off and the freezer was stuffed with old, rotting thai food. We told Pattybear about her fouled appliance and went to find dinner.

We feared bars that didn't sell alcohol and random searches for magic underwear. Instead we happened upon Piper Down, an irish pub with a massive whiskey selection. We drank some local beers that were recommended by our foul-mouthed and clearly non-mormon bartender. Erik got a "Winner Winner Chicken Dinner" and I ate a Monty Christo served with raspberry relish on the side.

After dinner we came home to find our room deodorized, sanitized and moderately cleaned. We crashed after a long day with the hopes of waking up early and getting out as fast as we could. At least the view was astounding.

We were on the road at 9am with our sights set on Boise, Idaho and the Super Bowl. We drove through beautiful scenery part 2 as we left Utah. Erik has been watching True Blood and despite the gorgeous scenery we decided to catch up and knock out 5 episodes while we made our way to Boise.

Boise

We got to Boise and checked out the famous blue astroturf at the Boise Broncos stadium after walking through a mysteriously unlocked gate. We snapped some quick photos, Erik caught a sweet 25 yard TD and we left before our luck ran out and we got caught.

We went to the next stop on our food destinations: Big Jud's Burgers. Like Big Mama's in Omaha it was on the Travel Channel's 101 best places to eat. It was near the stadium so we got there quickly, and it was closed on Sundays. Erik took some sad pictures that we will send to Big Jud in the future to hopefully emotionally blackmail him into opening on Sundays. Next stop was the classiest hotel we could find. Nearly anything would be better than Pattybear's hostel nightmare so we had high hopes. Within 5 minutes of leaving the Boise Broncos stadium we were checking into the Cabana Motel, a place that will surely be full of meth addicts as soon as the drug makes it to Boise. For now, it is drug-free, the wi-fi is fast and the room was clean and neat. We got a traditional Super Bowl feast of chinese takout and sat back for a relaxing meal while watching the Saints take out the Colts.

Durkee, OR

What is Durkee? It is home to The Hungry Redneck Cafe and perhaps the best food of the trip so far. As we drove through Eastern Oregon over the rolling snow dusted hills full of grazing cows Erik told me to find a place to stop so he could pee. We pulled off at the next exit which was home to the restaurant and not much else. Erik peed, and we decided stay for food.

Erik ate a massive and delicious Farmer's Omelette made with 3eggs, 3 kinds of meat, onions, potatoes and peppers served with hash browns and toast. I got the Redneck Eggs Benedict made with sausage patties (similar to Minneapolis' The Egg and I's version of Eggs Commadore) and eggs over hard served on homemade biscuits topped with sausage gravy and hash browns on the side. Our meals were both delicious and way too big. Never did I think that we would come close to finishing our food, but somehow we managed. We took our time and cleaned our plates. The waitress asked if we wanted pie. I think I considered it for a moment before we paid our bill and set off for our final destination.

Portland

We got to Portland and went almost straight to see our sister at her coffee shop in downtown Portland. She made us some tasty coffee drinks and we made our way back to her house. After catching up we all crashed for the night.

The next day Erik and I went to Bishops to get haircuts and beer. With our new, short do's we went to Toji, a Korean joint in town. We went with Kristin and her roommate, Josh. Josh has spent several months in Taiwan and has eaten Korean food in the past. I tried out my limited Korean vocabulary and was pleasantly surprised to learn that Rosetta Stone actually worked. Our waitress humored us and answered our ridiculous questions about Korea and corroborated the info that I had read about Korean traditions, eating in restaurants, etc.

Erik and I ordered sliced pork and spicy pork, both which were brought out raw and cooked on the grill on our table. Josh got bibimbap and Kristin got some vegetarian abomination...I felt sorry for her. We were at a Korean barbecue joint, after all. I am not knocking her choice to abstain from meat, I just feel bad that she missed out on the tender, succulent awesomeness that is Korean-style meat. I am going to get fat in Asia.

After a brief lesson from our server Erik and I grilled up the pork. We ate until we were overfilled and kept eating. Our server brought out various pickled, fermented and seasoned vegetable sides that we wrapped with rice and pork in lettuce leaves. There was no room for dessert...there were lots of leftovers. We waddled to my car and drove home.

There was a short rest...because we were going to Voodoo Doughnuts! Anthony Bourdain ate here when he visited Portland with Chuck Palahniuk. They have "normal" doughnuts as well as varieties that will give you a sugar rush just thinking about them.

As far as I know, they are also the only doughnut shop to have the FDA ban varieties because they contained drugs. Crazy. Well, we got some doughnuts...Kristin got a Portland Cream, Erik got a Maple with Bacon, Josh got a Purple flavor, Anna got Dirt (oreo on chocolate) and I got an Old Dirty Bastard (oreo and peanut butter on chocolate frosting). We got in and got out pretty quickly. The Portland hipster is an especially virulent breed and they had infested the store soon after we got there. I hope the guy at the register was OK with them paying for everything in change...

This preamble to my Korean experience was pretty great. I got to see parts of the US that I haven't seen before and feel lucky to live in such a huge, diverse country. I feel incredibly lucky to have a brother who was willing to drive over 2000 miles with me just so we could eat some good food during my last days in the US. I am grateful that I have a sister who is willing to put her two brothers up and put up with her two brothers for a few days too.

Next stop: Hong Kong to visit my friend Pat. He's already got some crazy adventures lined up for us. We will be there during the Chinese/Asian/Lunar New Year and it should be pretty fun.

Just some other pictures from the trip:

Erik eating famous Sweet Potato Pie ice cream from Big Mama's Kitchen. We planned on getting it when we were scouting restaurants from Milwaukee and kept it cold in the trunk until lunch. If I ever end up in Omaha again at least I can have this to make me happy.

This is the view from across the street at Pattybear's hostel. What a view. My guess is she spends 100% of her time staring at the mountains and 0% cleaning.

Before this trip I would have never thought that is could exist in Utah. Now I know that folks in Salt Lake City like drinking as much as anyone else. Perhaps more...

This is just one of the many awesome sights we saw while driving. The Western US is a pretty cool place and there are lots of incredible things to see. None of which are as cool as watching True Blood while driving. Just ask Erik.

The saddest I have ever seen Erik. He has been talking about these burgers for what seem like weeks. I hope you're happy, Big Jud. You broke my brother's heart.

At the Hungry Redneck Cafe: Erik, our food, and clean plates. A job well done.

Anna and Josh: Voodoo pros.

Erik with a Maple-Bacon and Kristin with a Portland Cream and a ridiculous grin caused by sheer doughnut joy.

Anna daintily nibbling on Dirt.

Josh got Purple. What flavor is Purple? Think purple Kool-Aid. Now put it on vanilla frosting on a doughnut. Then eat the whole thing in 4 seconds. Kristin is double fisting. One is hers, and one is for her roommate, Choya. Choya got an "old fashioned" flavor. Not like the drink, like "old timey". It's like going to a wall paper store and getting a sheet of white paper.

Day 2 at Voodoo Doughnuts. Josh, Erik and I got a baker's dozen plus 3 more.